The crib bumper is done...
The curtains are hung...
The furniture is here...
The walls are painted...
Now all we need is the new carpet...and Joel, of course. :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Joel's Room
The quilt is made...
The walls are painted...
Now all we need is the new carpet...and Joel, of course. :)
The walls are painted...
Now all we need is the new carpet...and Joel, of course. :)
Joel's Point of View
As Travis and I pack for Korea, decorate Joel's room, read books on adoption, and prepare our hearts for a child, Joel is in South Korea, oblivious to what is going on across the world in preparation for him. To us, this adoption is an exciting, wonderful event. To him, however, it will be a confusing, scary, sad event. He doesn't know who we are or why we are taking him from everything that is familiar. He will likely grieve for his foster family and take time to adjust to us as parents. It's for this reason that we are going to be very cautious when he first comes home. After listening to the advice of other adoptive parents, social workers, and doctors, we have a few plans in place for Joel to attach and bond with us.
For about the first two weeks, we will be staying close to home and not allowing many visitors all at once. We will also not allow anyone to hold him or care for him for extended periods of time for the first few weeks. We know that this will be hard for our friends and families who are just as excited as we are, but we feel strongly about this. We want to give Joel the best possible start and allowing him to attach to us is vital. He may not be able to recognize that his aunt who is holding him isn't his new mommy, or that his grandma won't be taking him on a long plane ride to a very new place. We hope that our friends and families can understand our reasonings and respect our decision. Once Joel shows signs of attaching to us and is well adjusted, his loved ones can hold and kiss him as much as they want! A great website that we've read through is A 4 Ever Family. The following comes from their site and is a great example of what little Joel may experience.
Walk a Mile in Baby's Booties
You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow. The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.
The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved? You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone. You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.
Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation. Hours later, the plane touches down.
The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before. He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep. People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready.
Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along. Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.
--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller
For about the first two weeks, we will be staying close to home and not allowing many visitors all at once. We will also not allow anyone to hold him or care for him for extended periods of time for the first few weeks. We know that this will be hard for our friends and families who are just as excited as we are, but we feel strongly about this. We want to give Joel the best possible start and allowing him to attach to us is vital. He may not be able to recognize that his aunt who is holding him isn't his new mommy, or that his grandma won't be taking him on a long plane ride to a very new place. We hope that our friends and families can understand our reasonings and respect our decision. Once Joel shows signs of attaching to us and is well adjusted, his loved ones can hold and kiss him as much as they want! A great website that we've read through is A 4 Ever Family. The following comes from their site and is a great example of what little Joel may experience.
Walk a Mile in Baby's Booties
You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow. The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.
The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved? You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone. You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.
Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation. Hours later, the plane touches down.
The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before. He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep. People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready.
Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along. Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.
--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Joel's Visa!
We received a letter that we weren't even expecting from the National Visa Center stating that Joel has his visa and his paperwork is being forwarded to Seoul. We asked our social worker for a time frame from this point and she said to expect a travel call in 2-3 weeks!!!!!! Oh my goodness! We cannot believe how quickly things are moving. Since we got our referral, everything feels like it's in fast forward. We are so so excited but have lots of other feelings as well. Thankfully I'm off this week so I can get things done around the house! I've been busy shopping for baby supplies, ordering more baby supplies, washing and folding clothes and blankets, making room in cabinets for Joel's things, sewing his quilt and crib bumper, and making lists of things to pack. We can't make any travel plans yet until the agency calls us and tells us that Joel is ready for us to come and get him. It's so hard to believe that in about a month Joel will be home with us!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Baby Shower
One of my best friends Katrina threw me a fabulous baby shower last week! It was so great to celebrate the upcoming arrival of our son with friends, food, laughter, and MANY adorable baby gifts. She also bought white onesies in different sizes and lots of fabric paints and pens. Everyone decorated a onesie--they turned out so cute! Joel will love many of them for sure. The baby shower itself wasn't a surprise, but the location was! She told me it was at her parent's house, but when I got home from work I saw all the decorations at our house. She knew it wouldn't work to surprise me with the shower, so she wanted to find some way to surprise me. It definitely worked! The other big surprise was my college roommate walking in the door! I haven't seen her in about four years, and it was so exciting to see her. She drove all the way from Ohio just for the shower. We're so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family and can't wait for Joel to meet everyone.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Happy 7 Months!
Dear Joel,
Today you turn seven months old! We are so curious what new things you are learning and doing. We can't wait to meet you and kiss you and hug you. We pray for you every day and ask God to keep you safe and happy until you come home. Even though you are so far away, you are very near to our hearts and we love you so much.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Today you turn seven months old! We are so curious what new things you are learning and doing. We can't wait to meet you and kiss you and hug you. We pray for you every day and ask God to keep you safe and happy until you come home. Even though you are so far away, you are very near to our hearts and we love you so much.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Saturday, June 13, 2009
IT'S HERE!!!
Our immigration approval arrived in the mail today! Hooray! We knew it was coming--I emailed the USCIS office earlier in the week and was told it was processed last Monday. On Saturday morning, we were still in bed when we heard the mail truck. I was so anxious to see the letter that I almost made Travis go right outside in his boxers! I was even going to take a picture to post here. I didn't think you all would appreciate that, though. And neither would he! :) So I refrained and let him put some pants on, first.
We celebrated the rest of the day by eating at IHOP (I know, not very celebratory, but I just had my wisdom teeth removed and pancakes seemed like a good choice!) and going to Osh Kosh and buying Joel some new clothes. I also finished piecing his quilt--I'll post pictures soon!
We're now on the last step of our journey. There is more paperwork to be completed for Joel in Korea and his visa needs to be processed. Our time frame right now is 4-6 weeks for our travel call!!! So hard to believe that in such a short time we will be landing in our son's birth country and meeting him for the first time. We can't wait! Praise God for the completion of this step!
We celebrated the rest of the day by eating at IHOP (I know, not very celebratory, but I just had my wisdom teeth removed and pancakes seemed like a good choice!) and going to Osh Kosh and buying Joel some new clothes. I also finished piecing his quilt--I'll post pictures soon!
We're now on the last step of our journey. There is more paperwork to be completed for Joel in Korea and his visa needs to be processed. Our time frame right now is 4-6 weeks for our travel call!!! So hard to believe that in such a short time we will be landing in our son's birth country and meeting him for the first time. We can't wait! Praise God for the completion of this step!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Projects
We've got lots of projects going on in the Kinley house! Some of these projects are to get ready for Joel, and others are to finish before Joel gets here. We have a feeling he'll occupy most of our free time.
One of the projects, now completed, is a brick patio in the back. We received a fire pit for my birthday, and needed a surface for it, other than our wood deck. After lots of digging, hauling sand bags (during which Travis injured his back), and placing bricks, it's done! We just enjoyed our first bonfire and yummy s'mores. (Which, if I'm honest, is the main reason I wanted a fire pit in the first place. My family knows me too well: When my brother-in-law heard that we were getting a fire pit, he told Travis not to let me make s'mores. He asked how they would get me to go camping without the bribe of s'mores!)
Another project is Joel's room. When we bought our house, this room was nursery ready. It had pale yellow walls with a Winnie the Pooh border and matching curtains. We're not huge fans of Winnie the Pooh so that came down. We also had to spackle the hundreds of tiny holes in the walls (what did the previous child do in that room anyway!), sand those spots, paint all the trim, the closet, paneling on the lower half of the walls, and upper half of the walls.
We're now done with all of that, but unsure of the paint color choice. It's quite a bit brighter than we anticipated. However, Travis says if I don't like it I have to do the repainting. I'm not sure if he's serious or not, but I don't really want to find out!
It's so fun getting ready for Joel! And it takes our minds off the fact that our immigration paperwork is not here yet! It's been about three weeks, and they estimated two to four. So we definitely don't have anything to complain about. We just have little patience when it comes to our son living 6,000 miles away from us! Hopefully one of these days when we run to the mailbox and sort quickly through the pile of junk mail and bills we will find our approval!
I could not find a bedding set for Joel that we both loved. There were a lot that were cute, but none that were just perfect, which is what I was looking for. (Not that I am a perfectionist or anything.) I finally found a quilt at Pottery Barn kids, and then discovered it was no longer available. So, I decided to make a rag quilt and matching curtains and crib bumper. It's a fun project that will hopefully turn out well! I love all the fabrics:
The final project is...new carpeting upstairs! My parents thought new carpet would be nice for Joel as he crawls around, so they generously offered to carpet most of our upstairs. We were worried about the VOCs (volatile organic compounds), so we chose a carpet and padding with low VOCs. We just found out that the carpet is on back order and should come in about two weeks. Then we can set up Joel's room with his new furniture.
It's so fun getting ready for Joel! And it takes our minds off the fact that our immigration paperwork is not here yet! It's been about three weeks, and they estimated two to four. So we definitely don't have anything to complain about. We just have little patience when it comes to our son living 6,000 miles away from us! Hopefully one of these days when we run to the mailbox and sort quickly through the pile of junk mail and bills we will find our approval!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Shine
I love stars.
Anyone who comes to our house and looks around can tell just how much I love stars. There is a star on the outside of our house, stars in the bathrooms, stars on the walls, stars on our candle holders, stars on our furniture.
And it doesn't stop there... a star hangs from the rearview mirror in my car, and I can be seen frequently wearing star necklaces or earrings.
I love stars.
And not only the decorative kind, the real ones, too. One of my favorite memories of Camp Luther where I spent time during the summers as a teen is stargazing. And now, there's nothing better than going out into the country on a clear night and looking up at the beautiful sparkling sky. It's pretty incredible to think about how many people have followed stars in their journeys. The Wise Men followed the star to baby Jesus, and thousands of slaves followed the North Star on their journey to freedom. Many times in the Old Testament, God promises to "make your descendants as numerous as the stars." When I taught fifth grade, one of my favorite Bible verses to post was Philippians 2:14-15: "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."
I love stars.
When we received our referral, we were sent quite a bit of information about our son and his background. We read that Joel's birthmother named him Hwan, and that the name Hwan means shine. So? some might say. It's just a coincidence.
But we don't believe in coincidences. We believe in God. And this was just another affirmation of our belief that Hwan was chosen for our family.
Stars are beautiful, shining, miraculous. They lead and point people in the right direction. They show God's glory and power. They bring people joy and they challenge people to look beyond the ordinary. And we hope and pray that our son will shine like the stars to those around him.
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